OMG!! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!!! 4|25|19
Apr 25, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDfojwnReuM

[Music]
I wanted to come on here and do a little
update from yesterday's vlog what a mess
what an actual mess so first and
foremost I want to say thank you to
everybody you guys are amazing in my
support team I could not be more
grateful and thankful for the amazing
people that have all been messaging me
and commenting and making sure that I'm
okay and reassuring me that I need to
take care of myself
during this process with everything
going on in my life and I could not be
more grateful and thankful for all of
you guys you guys are what makes me
always want to continue to push forward
because I see that I have such a strong
team of people that are willing to
continue to put yourselves out there to
check and make sure that I'm okay and
make sure that my family is okay and I
appreciate that so much so to jump into
the update I am gonna update you just
the way that I feel this is being made
as Roz rocket because these are my
feelings and I am I want to share with
you exactly how I am feeling and how I
felt so as you all know my mom was has
been missing since Monday night when she
called me at 7:30 at night and left a
voicemail and said I'm lost
I don't know where I'm at I can't get
ahold of my husband her husband I can't
get ahold of you know her husband and I
need you to call me back it's really
important this as an emergency or I need
you to answer the neck
time I call because this is an emergency
well I was in the shower so I did not
hear my phone
Olli had his phone charging in the other
bedroom so he did not have his phone on
him normally that is not the case one of
us always have our phones on us
so if one can't you know like for
instance my mom knows if she can't reach
me and it's really really really
important to call my other phone or to
call Ali's phone because she'll get a
hold of me one way or the other but have
it be that night all he didn't have his
phone I'll meet him I have my phone on
me so anyways so I kept I started
calling the number that she had called
from in Washington because she said that
her cell phone was dead so I started
calling the number nothing nobody was
answering and this went on all the way
through until Tuesday morning Tuesday
morning I started making phone calls
again I've been calling the home number
which normally if you call the home
number the voicemail will pick up after
so many times if they're not there if
the continuously rings that means that
they're on the phone or the phone is off
the hook so I started calling their home
number also on Monday night but there
was no pickup there was no avoiding so
then Tuesday the phone calls continued I
started calling I called the Washington
number I was calling the home number I
called her cell phone number her cell
phone was off so I was starting to get
worried this one on all day Tuesday I
mean I was calling madly like trying to
figure it out but at the back of my mind
I'm thinking okay maybe there's you know
maybe there's a hiccup maybe there's
something you know but it's not a big
deal don't stress about it don't feed
into it easier said than done by Tuesday
night so this was now 24 hours I still
hadn't gotten ahold of her I still had
not talked to her I still nothing so
I did not sleep at all Tuesday so I
literally have been going since Tuesday
morning I I still I did not sleep all of
Tuesday into Wednesday and so Wednesday
pops up and I am still calling these
numbers oh excuse me Tuesday when I
called the the Washington number
somebody did answer it was a restaurant
so they did not know who my mom was or
anything like that they were just a
restaurant so I assume it's probably she
seen a place and that's what she did is
she just call our she you stopped to use
their phone so then I I continuously was
still calling the home number there was
no answer there was nothing so Wednesday
rolls around and there's still no answer
nothing so I finally called the
Sheriff's Department for my mom city and
was like hey I haven't heard from my mom
I live two and a half hours away I
thought it was an hour and a half away
but it's two and a half hours away um I
have not heard from my mom and I'm
really concerned this is the last thing
that I heard from her this is where she
was that's not a normal place for her to
be yada yada yada all these things so
they said okay well we'll do a welfare
check on her and the home I said okay
great could you please call me as soon
as you go out there just to ease my
stress because I'm really stressing if
something's wrong they said absolutely
well by Wednesday at 3:30 now this was
way early on Wednesday morning like
we're talking like nine o'clock in the
morning so by 3:30 I'm thinking my god I
haven't heard anything from the police
station so I called them back the lady
said well we're short-staffed and we've
been bombarded by calls so you know
we're trying to fit it in there to go
out there and check and I'm like from
9:00 to 3:30 okay well I hope somebody
wasn't hurt you know really needing help
or something because my god so finally I
looked at Ollie and I
justyou know I had tears in my eyes I'm
just at this point I'm breaking because
I'm emotionally I am just drained
because I've got so much fear on top of
my shoulders that something is wrong
with my mom all he says you know what
we'll just we're going to take the drive
we will go and take the drive he's like
I was really worried if we got up there
and somebody be in the house or
something I could be putting us in
danger but you know I understand what
you're going through and we'll go up
there and I'm like okay thank you
so we go home we get the kids potty
breaks all of that and I mind you we
were out running errands so my kids were
already in the car we let him out go
search their legs for a few seconds all
he needed to do a few things the kids
were taking bathroom breaks all of that
we load back in the car and we take off
we make the two and a half hour drive up
there and all he says well everybody's
sitting in the car
nobody's getting out because I don't
know what to expect when we get there I
will be the one to go and knock on the
door I said no that's fine like yeah I
completely agree because if there is
something wrong I don't want to be the
one to witness it so now mind you again
we're gonna back this time just a little
bit at this point since Tuesday
afternoon I started getting like these
flashbacks of my childhood from my mom
being missing and we you know me and my
brother would have to go out and search
for her and we would you know be finding
her you know nicely beat up and bloody
from boyfriends or finding her in the
back of a house you know hurt because
someone beat her up and a lot of a lot
of of my PTSD was kicking in and I now
can realize two major things one is that
I have not healed that's that area of my
life because that triggered me so bad
so bad to the point that I had not slept
I was not eating I could not hardly
drink
I was so pale I still feel pale but I
was so pale and so sick no no no not
even mentioning my medical issues on top
of all of it and all of the stuff I'm
losing that way because of Aunt Flo so
I've got my medical issues plus my mom's
stuff and I just at this point I'm just
I'm bottoming out like I'm literally
bottoming out so I'm just getting these
flashbacks that something's gonna happen
I'm gonna see my mom her something's
gonna you know I just all these bad
feelings and so we get up there all he
goes up to the door and knocks and I
hear a dog bark which they do have two
dogs so I'm thinking okay either the
dogs are here and nobody has been home
to take care of them or they're they're
there well the door opens and it's my
mother's husband oh my god the anger
that hit me in the face was so hard I
immediately got the worst migraine I was
shaking I was so angry and all he says
um are you guys okay and her husband
says yeah like shocked yry I think he
was shocked like why are we up here as
we never drive up there and - yeah why
are you asking if we're okay he's like
well Amy's been calling since Monday
night to check on her mom and nobody's
answering the phones so her husband
comes and walks out to the car I could
barely look in his direction because I
yeah I could barely look I said where's
my mom he said oh she's out doing
laundry I'm like doing laundry I'm like
what the heck are you talking about now
my job was not using nice language
and so what the heck er you mean she's
doing laundry he says well yeah um she
went I said you guys have a washing
machine so why is she out doing laundry
he says well because our washing machine
isn't working and I did it and I said
okay well where and I just cut him off I
said okay well where is she I like what
what laundromat oh I don't know what in
the hell do you mean you don't know what
I'm like
hem what do you mean you don't know
he's like well no I don't know she might
have went here there where the I'm like
okay okay all right all right um well I
get a call on Monday night she tells me
she's lost she can't find her way out
it's an emergency and she's home well
our phone lines been down and huh she
locked herself out of her cell phone and
yada yada I said well you know what I
said if she could find a phone to call
somebody to go and do laundry she could
have found a phone to call me on Monday
night to let me know that she made it
home I said here I have been up
stressing I have made myself sick I have
been crying around the clock I have got
so much on my plate and Here I am
stressing about mom all in all you guys
are just living it up Oh calm down Amy
breathe in breathe out you did not just
say that to me sir you did not just say
that to me oh don't overreact it must
run in the family
hurt you just said what to me I looked
at Ollie and I said let's go let's get
me out of here right now before Amy goes
to prison let's go
so all this is okay well we got to get
going like you know we're we want to
make it out of here before it gets dark
and he's like oh yeah it's pretty
dangerous up here y'all know crap that's
why we don't drive up to your house but
we did it to come make sure you guys are
okay because I was fearful for my
mother's safety was there a thank you
was there uh oh wow you guys drove two
and a half hours would you like to come
in there was no oh the kids are in the
backseat of the car oh let me see them
not a thing would we have one in the
house if he offered no I was very very
very very very very pissed as you can
see I'm still pissed I we drove home and
I ended up getting on the internet later
once I got some cell service cuz my cell
doesn't work up there very well and I
sat and I watched shoot the to make
me laugh because literally I was so
angry and I was just so shaking up I
took an IB program on our way home so
that I could get it you know take care
of my headache and then I seen Pam and
Ricky on I was like nope
I'm gonna watch my shoot the
tonight because I need a laugh I need to
laugh and she was doing her chia pet and
he was doing his Chia pet and I was
laughing so hard
because they were doing their thing but
it's just how irresponsible can you
honestly be how dare you call me scare
me scare my children because they know
grandma's not that grandma's missing
because they've clearly heard it and
they know we're driving up there for
some reason because we don't just drive
up to Grandma's house how dare you and
then for her husband to tell me to calm
down and to just breathe
you are you're messing with the wrong
person I am very happy that my mother is
okay and she's safe but I am so angry
that she is that irresponsible and she
doesn't have the mind of a mother to
know what she just put her daughter
through and of course she doesn't know
about my medical issues because she
doesn't give me the time of day to
explain to her that I've been going
through medical issues she has no idea
what I'm going through she has no idea
that I'm facing surgery she doesn't know
what have any idea that I got an IUD she
doesn't know anything because every time
we talk it's always a one-sided
conversation clearly it showed today I
know nothing about my mother when the
officer asked what's your mother's
birthday I don't know I know the month
in the year I mean I know the day in the
month the month in the day my god but I
don't know the year this is how old she
is I guess we can do math what kind of
car does she Drive I don't know she
changes their cars as much as she
changes their underwear so I don't know
who was the last person she might have
spoken to I don't know what's her
husband's date of birth I don't know
what's her address I don't know I know
nothing about my mother and that showed
me today I have not one number that I
can call to see if they have heard from
my mother I have not one person to go
and check on my mother that lives up
there I know zero about my mother zero
and she knows zero about me if Y was to
go missing she would have no no clue
just like I had no clue she would have
no clue because we have no relationship
clearly this showed me a mother knows
their child's information your child
should know if they're an adult both say
I mean
Jeremiah is 11 and he knows how my
birthday he knows my phone number and my
address
he knows who I talked to the most
and he's only 11 most adult children if
they have a relationship with their
parent knows at least some of the
information that is needed if something
happened Namie yep
Nami clearly Nami so this really just
showed me a lot of things a lot a lot a
lot of things but one is that I I guess
I shouldn't stress about her I guess I
should say well she is an adult and she
can handle her own but it's easier said
than done when you have the the rap
sheet that my mother has and I'm not
trying to throw her under the bus and
make her sound horrible but you know
it's true all I ever known is if she's
missing she's either incarcerated done
something really bad and is on the run
or she's hurt somewhere those are her
scenarios when something like this
happens so that's what I run to it's not
a normal well you know maybe she stopped
off and you know it's being the night
with a family member or she's you know
missing because of this no I don't get
to think of those things those aren't
the common things that I go to just like
I said yesterday I don't think about
what hospital to call I think about what
jail to call because this is my my
mother's real scenarios this is my mom's
were alive and that's so sad to say that
but that's the dam's truth it sucks it
really truly sucks to have a parent like
this when your heart loves your parents
so much but your parent clearly cannot
accept the responsibility of being a
parent you know I made a comment tonight
to Ollie and I I shouldn't have said it
but I said you know sometimes I ask God
why did he give me the parents that he
gave me
I have a father that killed himself and
left me I have a mother that doesn't
know how to be a mom I'm an orphan I am
illiterate I'm an orphan I don't have
anybody I have no family I have my
husband my children and his family and
that's it but I don't have any of my
extended family like mother siblings
nothing like that I don't have any of
that that's the rudest truth but it's
the truth and I said you know I just
don't know why God gave me this family I
don't understand it she should have
never had kids she said she didn't want
kids she said she wanted dogs I agree
with her I do agree with her it's the
truth she should have just had dogs
because that's what she treats me like
she doesn't care that I have feelings
she doesn't care that I've been spending
over 48 hours stressing about this crap
she don't care she don't care it's all
about her and her only and somewhere in
the mix of it maybe she has a little bit
of care for me but she don't know how to
show it so anyways this is 21 minutes of
me rambling about my mother and her
irresponsibility but I definitely wanted
to update you guys let you guys know
what's going on and now that all that's
done and aside for myself now I have to
focus on me and my medical stuff and
figure out what I'm gonna do I don't
know I have to go for a pre-op with my
doctor and talk to him they need to do
some blood work on me and then go from
there so I will keep you guys completely
100% updated and let you guys know
everything that's going on thank you so
much everybody like I said you guys are
amazing
you have helped me in the time that I
needed to help the most
has been a very scary time for me
because it was the lack of no control to
know where my mom was and that was scary
for me as a child I know that it's not
scary for her but it is scary for me
because I am a true child I am a child
of hers and I am a mother and I could
only imagine what my children would feel
if I went missing so I just couldn't do
that to my children huh blatantly I
would never do that to my children so
anyways I am going to close and go rest
a little bit at least try but I will
keep everybody day updated with my
medical stuff and I will keep everybody
updated on everything else going on in
my lifetime and then we'll go from there
so I hope you guys have a wonderful day
as my circus is coming in and I will
talk to you guys soon bye bye
